I have a lot of crushes for someone who isn’t twelve. For me, a crush has always kind of felt like an expansion pack of life. A crush is a world. A world of playlists and hobbies and friends to unlock.
Having a crush has always felt like this really great, horizon-expanding trick.
Until really recently*, actually. When a crush sits me down. We’re in her kitchen. It’s very tidy. And she tells me that I’m kind of hard to read. That I’m sort of like this small show. And that’s just not where she’s at. And I think, ouch. And then I think, hm.
So I decide to investigate. First, I take a cleanse. A crush cleanse. I tell myself that I will seek out no new crushes. No flirting, no dating, no friendships with even the tiniest of crush tension. And then I’ll just chill. In my world for a second.
And what happens is that a lot of time frees up. Enough time for me to wonder: is crushing a performance for me?
A crush exploration featuring an interview with let’s-call-her-Sam. Sam is a crush. Sam also hates all fruits. To find out how those two facts are related, I invite you into the show.
Alternative names for this piece: Shame Show, Juicy Show, A Lamp Comes Crashing Down Mid-Interview Show and 22 Minutes of Cringe Crush Sounds!
— zo
*I wrote this script at the start of 2022, so not quite “really recently.” Putting aside time for personal projects is hard lool.
crush show